“Big Momma Thing,” by Lil’ Kim

In honor of her stint on Dancing With the Stars. Truly the classiest class-act of them all [I have taken some artistic liberty with punctuation, but the sentiment is entirely and eternally hers].

[Intro:]
You got it goin’ on, wha wha
Uh, wha wha
(etc.)

[Verse One: Lil' Kim]

I used to be scared of “The Dick.”
Now I throw lips to the shit!
Handle it like a real bitch–
Heather Hunter*, Janet Jacme–
take it in the butt. Yah, yaess, what??
I got land in Switzerland (even got sand in the Marylands),
Bahamas in the spring. Baby, it’s a Big Momma thing–
can’t tell by the diamonds in my rings?
That’s how many times I wanna cum: twenty-one
(and another one, and another one, and another one).
24 carots, nigga–
that’s when I’m fuckin’ wit’ the average nigga.
Work the shaft, brothers be battin’ me (and oh,
don’tcha like the way I roll and play wit’ my bushy?).
Tell me, what’s on your mind when your tongue’s in the pussy–
is it marriage?
Baby carriage?
Shit no! On a dime, shit is mine!
Got to keep ‘em comin’ all the time.

[Chorus (Lil' Cease, Lil' Kim)]

Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired.
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be.
That’s why you’re mad at me.

Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired!
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be–
that’s why you’re mad at me.

[Verse Two: Jay Z]

How B.I.G. and ‘Un’ trust you in the studio with me?!?
Don’t they know I’m tryin’ to sex you continuosly
(pull a high power coup, make you jump ship, leave who you with)?
I’m with the Roc-A-Fella crew–
trip you for the cheese,
tear your boom up,
spread a ill Boomer, make you flip on Little Ceas.
Pushin’ backwards,
get the dough from your platinum hits,
rock Lil’ Kim hats and shit!
I gets down and dirty for the dough!
I got love and Big know it.
(He must got the studio bugged!)
Probably, as we speak, he’s on his way up the street
with the M.A.F.I.A. thugs and all types of heat!
But I ain’t tryin’ to beef,
I’m just tryin’ to eat
(horizontally–the way I hold my iron, sweet!).
And no, my niggas,

but I like the sound.

“Lil’ Kim and Jigga…”
It sounds like figures.

[Chorus]

Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired.
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be.
That’s why you’re mad at me.

Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired!
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be–
that’s why you’re mad at me.

[Verse Three: Lil' Kim]

Before, I caught some nigga’s disease–
got caught with his ki’s.
B.I.G. scooped a young bitch off her knees,
threw me at high priced Beams**.

Face on TVs,
platinum CDs–

shit, I never fought.

Saw a nigga whah–
pussy greased up–
stack the G’s up (keep the knees up!).
What the fuck?  Stay fillin (half a millin!).
Geneva Diva–
yeah, I throws it down,
lay around, clown…
The clock stops for no one.
Never 68 and owe 1 (takes one to know one)–
better off wit’ the Playboy magazines, uh!
Fuckin’ wit’ da Don?!?!?
Push the keys, Gs threes for papis***.
Yeah, I ride crate state to state.
Lieutenant takes mad dimes, from New York to Anaheim.
While you daydream and whine,
I’ll just keep gettin mine!

And I’m married to this!
Ya’ll strategy misses–still plannin’ weddings?!?

M.A.F.I.A. also deadens all the bullshit–
any “type of-” threatens to pull shit? Uh!

[Chorus]

[repeat x4:]
Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired.
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be.
That’s why you’re mad at me.

Killers be quiet, my nigga bring the riots.
Tough talk, tough walk?
Shit is tired!
You wanna be this Queen B, but you can’t be–
that’s why you’re mad at me.

* former pornstar, turned hip-hop artist. (Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Hunter)
** most likely BMWs
*** a reference that is completely lost on me.